Parents, Partners or Protagonists

Under the best circumstances a teacher is a version of an extended member of a student's family. While we have come a long way from the days of the prairie and the one room school house, being paid with a chicken and baked goods and actually living in the home of a community member (since teachers could not afford housing back then) teachers remain an integral part of the student's upbringing. It doesn't end with elementary school either. For this reason, the relationship students have with their parents can play a huge role in terms of behavior and learning in your classroom. When the child/parent relationship is positive and solid, you have a great partner. If not, the parent is like a protagonist in a story and your job becomes more difficult (you may even be seen as the "enemy" by the parent). Remember, it's a reason, but not an excuse for undesirable classroom behavior.

Your job is to continually seek the why of classroom problems. When students are acting out, possibly acting like they don't trust you, avoiding you, building walls, it may be an extension of a strained relationship between the child and the parent/s. An extreme example I was involved in concerned a single mom not wanting her seventh grade twin boys and letting them know it—even to the point of taking them to a family placement facility. These boys exhibited severe conduct disorder, and not just in the classroom. I knew only one of the twins as other had been transferred to another middle school in the district due to multiple behavior infractions by the time I was called in to intervene. The other twin wasn't far behind, however, it was during my interview with him that I learned of his situation—all of it I was able to readily verify. I learned a lot from this young man. Mostly I learned that he could be charming. His reading comprehension was low, really low, but even as a second language learner, if I read the passages to him, he could answer all of the associated questions. This really surprised and pleased him.

He would erupt in class, pushing everything off his desk and on to the floor, refusing to attend to his work, even refusing help from the teacher's aide. It was an endless cycle of being charged with a task that was beyond him (for multiple reasons, no fault of the teacher), his refusal due to fear of more failure, and more punishment for poor behavior. There's much more to the story, but we've made our point—we know why the undesired behaviors occurred. Whenever we know why a problem exists, we can attack it, but not before. You must dig in.

Never stop digging, and when you run out of time and resources to get to the why of the problem, ask for help.

Stef