Button Pushing

Students who act out really do not care about your feelings. If they did, they would not act out for fear of offending or hurting you. The "good kids", on the other hand, do care about your feelings and do not want to offend or hurt you, so they comply. This means it makes little sense (and perhaps could exacerbate the situation) to let your feelings be known during a classroom management difficulty. Don't tell them what makes you mad, your blood pressure rise, or gives you a twitch (above all, don't cry or scream). If you do these things you just lost points and they just gained points—yes, it's their game.

I have to say, we learn little from the good kids. This is why I am so grateful to the students who do act out. During an episode there is much to learn about ourselves, the group dynamic, and the individuals at the core of the problem. I love walking into a troubled classroom, I have little purpose in a tranquil environment—unless it's to give input on the quality of a lesson design.

So bottom line, keep your feelings to yourself (I guess you could engage in primal screaming in the solitude of your car on the drive home to relieve pent up feelings). Breathe deeply, constantly remind yourself that they are kids, they need you, and you are exactly where you need to be. Pretty empowering, huh?

What all kids care about the most is whether or not you care. Many of them build walls around themselves just to see if you'll break through.

As always, your comments are encouraged.

Stef